When we talk about "happiness" what we're usually describing is someone laughing out loud, smiling ear to ear. We think of indulgence - food, drinks, lying on the beach, mani-pedis, orgasms.
I don't actually have a problem with any of these things. We all need to put our hair down sometimes - drink too much with friends, eat lots of good food, relax after a long day. Where I think we get it wrong is in the belief that hedonism, or the pursuit of pleasure, is the only source of happiness. As I write this, I am spending the weekend alone as my husband is away on a trip. The hedonic side of me wants to use this weekend to lay around in my pajamas all day on the internet and finish off with some netflix and wine. I'm not going to pretend like I didn't relax at all - trust me, I've done way more relaxing than necessary. But even on a day like today, I insist on leaving the house, getting some exercise, and getting a few things done. Why? Not because I'm a crazy person (I mean maybe...) but because I know that when I go to bed at the end of a day of doing nothing, I'll be worried about my to-do list and not able to sleep from not having moved all day. This is where the second kind of happiness comes in to play - the happiness you get from accomplishing something. Now, I'm not trying to convince anyone to be a workaholic or say that going to your job should fill you with joy (seriously, puke). But I feel so much better after a day when I've exercised and gotten a few things done. Last weekend we went to the beach and saw motorboats that probably cost thousands of dollars to own and operate. We both came to the conclusion that it would actually be way more fun to own a couple kayaks. A motorboat is basically a floating couch with a motor. Sure, you can have a cool party on it, but most of the time it's just gonna be you, and you can sit around in the sun for free. In contrast, taking out a kayak would would wear you out a bit before you lay down on the beach, feeling accomplished about how far you paddled, flush with health and vitality. As you sip a cool beer, you'll know you earned it. There's nothing wrong with hedonism, and I'm not telling you to give up your guilty pleasures. If I were to ride in a motorboat tomorrow, I bet I'd have a blast. But I owned one, the charm would wear off and I'd start to envy my neighbour's yacht. The trick to hedonism is to keep it few and far between and to rely on accomplishment for your daily happiness.
0 Comments
I recently received a invitation to an event honouring an acquaintance I know through a mutual friend. The event includes brunch at an expensive restaurant, go-karting, and paintball. The bill, our host estimated, would be about $300/person.
As someone actively saving for early retirement, the idea of spending three hundred of my precious freedom dollars on an afternoon is hard to swallow. But before you call me cheap, let me explain, because this isn't about the cost, it's about the fun value per dollar. Here's why: 1. Brunch, paintball, and go-karting: I actually don't have a problem with any of these activities. Separately. But what I've found is that, as much as I enjoy going out, the best part is going home. Brunch sounds great! Brunch followed by a bunch of activities? I just want to go home. A day like this doesn't sound fun, it sounds exhausting. And now I'm going to have to waste my money on it, to boot! 2. I could do so much better for that amount of money. Y'know what sounds way more fun? How about we all get together for a bbq. Forget hamburgers, we could get some nice steak, corn on the cob, caesar salad, and drinks for all for less than three hundred dollars TOTAL. 3. I get that not everyone is as introverted as me. Sure, you want to go out and do stuff, why not? Ok, how about we just go to a meal and paintball. You're stretchin' me here, but for goodness sake, who needs three activities in one day? Do you people run on some alternate energy source I don't know about? 4. This is for an acquaintance. I don't really know this person, and from the few times we have met, they haven't really made much of an effort. If we were honouring someone I truly care about, I would happily shell out the cash and more - as I am already doing for a close relative this July (it's wedding season, folks). The reason I'm so irritated about this is that I'm going to receive a lot of backlash for not going. "But we'll only have 2 people if you don't go!" "C'mon, you seriously can't make time?!" Of course I could, if I cared about this person. Every time I hear people complaining about how millennials will never be able to retire, I think about events like this. Yes, market conditions have gotten much worse than when baby boomers were working, and it now takes two incomes. But another part of the equation is the expectation that we now celebrate every event as if the person was royalty - at the expense of the attendees, of course. So, to make this short, here's a friendly PSA: Don't try and guilt people into expensive events for people they barely know. You've now put me in the difficult situation of having to tell you "Thanks, but no thanks." Last winter, we started house hunting. Our financial situation had improved and we thought, it's time! We're real adults, we deserve grass and a basement with a dusty treadmill, dammit!
We worked everything out to the last dollar. We would keep the condo and rent it out. We'd have two properties before we turned 30! That's how you know you're successful, right? But the closer we got to closing on the deal, the more anxious I got. What if one of us loses their job? What if we have to deal with awful tenants? Is it worth signing up for all those extra years of working? So we bailed. And here we find ourselves, six months later. Last week, I found out that our office receptionist was being laid off after four years. This news hit hard. If such a valued member of the office could be laid off in the blink of an eye - why not me? A modern day memento mori, indeed. Because we didn't buy a house, we know that we can weather almost any financial storm. This removes the burden of financial worry. I think most insurance is a rip-off - but I believe strongly in the insurance of having low-expenses and a strong savings cushion. I've been thinking about getting a sit-stand desk for work. I've put it off up until now, mostly due to the expense, but I've been starting to get leg cramps, which have increased my feelings of guilt about sitting all day.
So I did a bit of online research and found this hand-crank option at Ikea for $250: https://www.ikea.com/ca/en/catalog/products/S49084965/ That price seemed pretty reasonable compared to the $500 and up I'd seen previously, and it had great reviews. Plus, I actually prefer hand-crank to an electric lift system, as it will last longer and be much easier to fix if it breaks. After discussing whether it was worth the money and determining there were no viable used alternatives on kijiji, we set off to our local Ikea to give 'er a test drive. We looked at different models, tried out the crank system (smooth as butta!) and were satisfied. We decided to sleep on it (not to mention figure out how I was going to get the table from Ikea to my office). As we were browsing the kitchen section on our way out, we passed a family with a shopping cart. While the father and son browsed, I overheard the mother as she picked up a glass jar and toss it in the cart. "This would be nice to put my coffee beans in!" she exclaimed. I nearly froze in shock. Aren't you going to discuss this purchase? Do you already have a jar you could use? Is there room on the counter for this jar or is it just going to create clutter? Is this going to bring you enough happiness to replace the 7% interest/year that $7.99 would have made if you had invested it instead? No, instead they continued walking, father absorbed in his phone, son looking at some fake plants. This was when I discovered I am not normal. At work this week, I was talking with a colleague about what time we get to the office in the morning. He said, "Oh, between 8-9, really depends on traffic." When I asked him where he was coming from, he explained he lived in the South end of the city (code for expensive suburbs). This is about 18 km from our office. He then proceeded to complain how "in a city like this, it's ridiculous that it should take an hour to commute!"
Umm...actually, it's not. You and everyone else want to live in the "safe", new suburbs. And you and everyone else want to commute from the suburbs into downtown. Do you see a problem here? No matter how many new roads and bridges the city builds, the suburbs will keep growing and more cars will be on the road, in your way, cutting you off. Fun, right? Traffic is not a surprise. The rules of commuting are: - Traffic is bad and will always get worse - Construction will happen every summer, always on the route you need to take to get to work - Winter will happen every year, and will include big snowstorms that clog up the roads and cause lots of accidents Don't plan your commute for best case scenario - plan for the worst. If there's a snowstorm AND construction, will I still be able to get to work? What if my car breaks down? Even if you think environmentalism and biking are for crazy lefties, it doesn't matter. This is about designing your life around the things you can't control. I can't control traffic, weather, or road work, so rather than bitch about them, I work around them. Obviously, it's not always possible to have a car-free commute. But it is possible to improve your commute through conscious choices. For most couples, even if one person has a job that requires car commuting (they may drive for work or work in an industrial area, for example), there are very few scenarios where both partners should have to drive. At a minimum, you should be able to live in a location where at least one partner can walk/bike/transit to work and avoid the traffic trap. |
Just the honest truth.Archives
May 2019
Categories |