When we talk about "happiness" what we're usually describing is someone laughing out loud, smiling ear to ear. We think of indulgence - food, drinks, lying on the beach, mani-pedis, orgasms.
I don't actually have a problem with any of these things. We all need to put our hair down sometimes - drink too much with friends, eat lots of good food, relax after a long day. Where I think we get it wrong is in the belief that hedonism, or the pursuit of pleasure, is the only source of happiness. As I write this, I am spending the weekend alone as my husband is away on a trip. The hedonic side of me wants to use this weekend to lay around in my pajamas all day on the internet and finish off with some netflix and wine. I'm not going to pretend like I didn't relax at all - trust me, I've done way more relaxing than necessary. But even on a day like today, I insist on leaving the house, getting some exercise, and getting a few things done. Why? Not because I'm a crazy person (I mean maybe...) but because I know that when I go to bed at the end of a day of doing nothing, I'll be worried about my to-do list and not able to sleep from not having moved all day. This is where the second kind of happiness comes in to play - the happiness you get from accomplishing something. Now, I'm not trying to convince anyone to be a workaholic or say that going to your job should fill you with joy (seriously, puke). But I feel so much better after a day when I've exercised and gotten a few things done. Last weekend we went to the beach and saw motorboats that probably cost thousands of dollars to own and operate. We both came to the conclusion that it would actually be way more fun to own a couple kayaks. A motorboat is basically a floating couch with a motor. Sure, you can have a cool party on it, but most of the time it's just gonna be you, and you can sit around in the sun for free. In contrast, taking out a kayak would would wear you out a bit before you lay down on the beach, feeling accomplished about how far you paddled, flush with health and vitality. As you sip a cool beer, you'll know you earned it. There's nothing wrong with hedonism, and I'm not telling you to give up your guilty pleasures. If I were to ride in a motorboat tomorrow, I bet I'd have a blast. But I owned one, the charm would wear off and I'd start to envy my neighbour's yacht. The trick to hedonism is to keep it few and far between and to rely on accomplishment for your daily happiness.
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